Finding a Place to Belong

20 Feb

Today I spent the entire morning making phone calls on behalf of our son. His doctor doesn’t accept the new insurance. I already realize that his new school is not any better for him than the last one. And then there’s the birthday party. And the new bed he needs. Typical parent stuff but it took so long I didn’t have time to do my stand up set list because I needed to drive from the suburbs into the venue in Los Angeles and I needed to a lot for time (especially since it was raining). I’ve been doing stand up for four months now—which means if someone asks me to do a show, I pretty much do it. I need the stage time, I need the practice, I need the pressure. And it finally occurred to me tonight our son and I are in the same place. We are looking for where we belong. Most days, I have no idea what I am doing. I started this new journey as a comedian to rediscover my voice creatively and to inform my writing but I haven’t been working on my scripts lately. I perform every week so I am constantly re-working my set. And when I’m not doing that, I’m trying my best not to be a bad mom. I have already been at our son’s school three times for meetings on his behalf and this is only his second month at the school. Since we were dumped by Burbank Unified School District days after I left my job, I didn’t have time to research many options. So, I enrolled him in our home school where his teacher said “he is the worse student she has ever had.” One of his classmates told him she “hates him.” Our son reported that student to the teacher who considers him “the worse” but of course he was told he was lying. After two months with our son, she has decided he is a liar and a horrible student but I’ve observed him in class doing the same thing as the other 5 year-old boys who have a hard time sitting still. His teacher’s answer is to yell and flick the lights on and off. And as for the student who told our son she hates him, she told me as well. Our son is anything but I liar. He has a keen memory and recounts the minutest details of his experiences. I came up with some suggestions to address his lack of focus in class, and I was told that the options I presented were incongruous with district policy. Clearly, I have not found the right place for a kid who’d rather pontificate about space travel than hear a story about a “cat that can tap.” Similarly, his mother would rather write stories and tell them on stage for free than sit at a desk and type for a paycheck. Yet, I realize, at some point, an income must emanate from me. This year is supposed to be spent assuring that source of the paycheck is creative for the sake of my own happiness. I am on an arduous journey to find my place in the world and to help my son find his. I don’t know where we are going or how to get there but I have made the important step. I have taken the first step.

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2 Responses to “Finding a Place to Belong”

  1. Dragonfly Diva February 20, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

    Keep looking for the right place for your son! My ADHD kiddo has had good teachers, excellent teachers and really bad teachers over the years. Its not possible to get the best fit every year, but getting a really excellent teacher helps you know know what it can be like and that helps you get through those not so good years. Good luck with the stand-up comedy! I admire anyone who can do a job like that.

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  1. Finding a Place to Belong « thenewmommy - February 21, 2013

    […] Finding a Place to Belong. […]

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